Yup. Can I get a woot woot? It’s that fun time of year again…and I’ve been procrastinating. I am even “taking a break” and procrastinating right now. Ugh, how I loathe, despise, and abominate anything having to do with taxes. Except for our CPA—she’s great, competent, honest, efficient, responsive and all that.

So I finally printed out our 2010 18-page (yeah, baby, yeah!) tax organizer. It only has a….bazillion questions. Why does tax law have to be sooooo complicated?? Can you hear me whining yet? It seems to me that there must be a simpler way to collect taxes. All these deductions and minutiae. Ugh. It is enough to drive someone like me, well, crazy. Okay, okay, I love the minutiae of grammar…that’s my language. Tax language is not my language. Thank goodness it is Susan’s language. Thank goodness there is someone out there who can understand and do this for us. All I’m doing is filling out the organizer, for gosh sakes, and I’m about ready to scream/cry/yank out hair. Can’t imagine actually having to prepare the return myself…

Today was appointed the magic day. I’m still in my jammies. I’ve been compiling info for hours, adding up medical co-pays, double-checking receipts, it seems. I’m sweaty with anxiety. Just seeing the thick packet waiting for me last night gave me heart palpitations. Nice enough that tax law is so confusing and picky—and if you do it wrong, enter the wrong thing, you can be punished monetarily or worse. Fun stuff. About as fun as a stick of dynamite.

Bill let me sleep in, took the kiddos downstairs. Good thing, because I was up randomly for a couple hours in the middle of the night, brain whirring. I’ve begun to associate the middle of February with bad feelings. As much as I try to keep non-stressed about tax prep, I can’t. It puts me in about as bad of a mood as I get…like I could snap at anyone any moment. Bill has known me long enough to know that when I approach him with his “please find this” list and try to appear nonchalant like he has all the time in the world, that what I really mean is “Please find it right now, or I will be a basket case.”

The thing about doing taxes, outside of having to deal with what I feel is minutiae, is that it also makes me think of all the time I feel I am wasting working on taxes—when they could be made easier for the lay person to understand. It also makes me think of how much we have had to pay out in the past, and it makes me think of ways my tax money is spent that I don’t want it to be. I don’t even like thinking about money. Anytime the topic of money comes up, good or bad it doesn’t matter—even apart from taxes—my stomach turns over. I know I need to find a way to make this fun for myself…but I can’t right now.

The organizer is a series of questions, most of which are “no,” but there are other more complicated parts. It feels overwhelming, and I try to get through a page at a time. I check the bottom of the page when I finish it. I am infinitely bothered by pages that can’t be checked off if I need to search for something… like right now, for instance, the reason I am upstairs.

So I’d better wrap this up. I am desperate to finish my organizer and send it away and thus rid myself of responsibility. I am hoping for an improvement in my attitude mid-week.

Gather joy in finishing your part of the work…and sending it as far and as fast away from yourself as possible. 😉